A somewhat eulogy to Grandma Wanda

Friday night at 11:35 p.m., my only grandmother went home to be with the Lord, with my mom, two sisters, my step-dad, my husband, and one of my nieces by her side. I still cannot fully wrap my mind around what I witnessed Friday evening- something so intense, it's hard to put into words. It's just Sunday and we have yet to have the visitation and funeral- they are scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday because of Mother's Day being today and my cousin's birthday on Tuesday. So I have been trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to feel the pain, so I don't have to wonder what I am going to do without her phone calls and crazy stories, so I don't have to face the reality that she isn't here anymore. So far I have done pretty well. I have dove into scrapbooking like never before- I have made two collages in her memory to display at the funeral home and I intend on making one more poster of all of Grandma's favorite things. I feel if I keep my mind occupied with something else, it will hurt less, but it still resurfaces no matter how much I try to push it to the back of my head.

For anyone who knew my grandmother, knows what kind of woman I am speaking about. She was the epitome of a sacrificial mother and grandmother and the best kind of friend. After losing my dad to cancer when I was 16, my grandmother quickly took the role of helping my mom raise us. From then on out she has become a second mother to me and she had lived with us off and on since I was in the sixth grade. This is not your typical grandparent-grandchild relationship I am describing. Most of my friends only see their grandparents on the holidays or birthdays and rarely have to time to visit with having their own families. My grandmother was part of our immediate family. She was there for everything- the big occasions and the small. The ups and the down. The mountains and the vallies. She was nothing short of perfection and she taught me a lifetime of lessons that I plan to carry with me forever.

Something Grandma and I could always chat about was work. She was a retired hairdresser and had owned 2 shops in her time here on earth. She would come to see me at my salon and would get so excited- like a kid in a candy store. I insisted on coming to the house to cut her hair, but I think she loved the feeling of stepping foot into a salon. It was such a huge part of her for so long that it was almost a nice breeze from the past when she would visit- a time for her to reminise and gossip with me, just like we were co workers. For the last almost three years that I've been a hairdresser, it felt like we were business partners. But the connection we shared went so much further than our commonalities of the salon life.

Grandma was hilarious. Her stories would get anyone within 5 feet of her sitting around her to listen to what she would have to say next. She spoke her mind on numerous occasions and would have us laughing to tears without even realizing how funny she was being. Her countless adventures with her best friend pranking cars and bar hoping were some of my favorite ones to listen to. She had sad stories too...stories of abuse and anger from her previous marriage. She had to get through hair school to find a way out of a marriage that was hell for her. She knew she had to have a steady income to raise two kids on her own. And she did it. The strength she displayed then and more recently during her sickness is something I admired most about her.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer in April '08. Soon after, she decided against any kind of treatment, seeing as how she was a heart patient and diabetic. She wanted quality of life and felt chemo and radiation treatments would do nothing but hold her down and keep her from living. So she began the battle with nothing but pain medication and pure determination to fight it, as long as the Lord would allow her to. At first, there wasn't an immediate difference in her, but the last year, she became weaker and eventually it got to the point where my mom had to start working from home to take care of her. I am off Mondays and Tuesdays so it was a no brainer for me to step up and help mom out as much as possible with taking her to the doctor and to run errands for her. Little did I know, in all these times I thought I was helping her, she would be helping me. Shaping me and teaching me and sculpting me in our times together. Showing me how to love and how to live in a God-honoring way. Always telling me she was on my side and my biggest supporter. We would laugh and talk on our many dates. Our adventures led us to many places- Chilli's, Culver's, Penn Station, the movies, Graeters, the grocery, the nail salon, Cracker Barrel...wherever we would go and whatever we had to do, we had so much fun. Those times with her are times I will never forget and will always be grateful for.

As I try to prepare myself for the visitation and funeral, I know that it will be extremely difficult to deal with. I have spent so much time with her in the last year, that it's hard to picture my life without her. The reality of it is that she's with the Lord and she is out of pain- knowing that brings peace in this storm. She struggled and fought for so long and I know that it was her time to go home, but selfishly, I wanted her to stay. She's the only grandmother I had and I feel such a big chunk of my heart is missing. Seeing our friends and loved ones will be overwhelming- answering all the questions I don't want to and trying to be strong for my mom when I don't know if I can, but the I will find my strength in the Lord and I will rest in the fact that she is walking the streets of gold with our Jesus.

Grandma, I will always miss you and will always be grateful to you for all the things you did when you didn't have to. You made life sweeter and my memories with you are something I will hang onto forever. I will tell your stories and I will think of you when I order a scoop of ice cream from Graeter's. I will never forget how selfless you were in selling me your car and I still have the angel hanging from the mirror that was there before. I know you are with me and I know you are watching over me. Happy first Mother's Day in heaven and many more to come. I love you so much.

Grandma and I dancing at my March '09 wedding

body wraps and teeth whitening

In the little over a year that Adam and I have been married, we have been pretty comfortable around each other...well I'll say a lot comfortable. Even while we were dating, we never had a probably being ourselves or letting things fly out of our mouths and other areas..ahem. Last night was a perfect example. I had bought a body wrap from a girl who goes to my church and have been hanging on to it for a few weeks now. A little skeptical about it, I threw it in my bathroom and swore I would try it eventually. If you haven't heard of these things, they are suppose to help you loose inches immediately...in the waist, arms, thighs..they even have one for double chins ha! You can read all about the testimonials and product here:
www.itworks.net
Anywho, I decided yesterday that I would finally put this thing on and give it a try, since well I am in a wedding in less than a month and hey if it really worked, great! Around the same time I bought my wrap, Adam went to the dentist and got a teeth whitening kit, something he was also putting off. So here we were in our bed, me lying on my back trying not to move with this smelly minty gross feeling thing on my stomach and Adam in all his glory, reverting back to his inner 12 year old with a retainer. We were quite the pair indeed! I find it so humorous the things we will try to be skinnier, prettier, sexier, smarter..it's a never ending cycle. Oh and I have noticed a slight difference in my waist, but it take 3 days to see the full effect so I'll post something on Friday.
In other news, we finally bought bikes yesterday woo hoo! I was so excited and thought this would be the perfect activity for us to do together in our cute little neighborhood. I actually had a thought that bike riding wouldn't burn as many calories as us walking the dogs- boy was I wrong! I had to stop twice to adjust myself because the seat felt like it was melding to my woman parts and after 30 minutes I threw in the towel and we headed to Sonic for a slushe...better luck next time I guess!

My new beauty!

a newbie to blogging

Our Happily Ever After



well, kind of on a whim, i decided to start a blog. i have a very good friend, jenn, who just moved to florida recently and started hers and that mixed with my late night thoughts keeping me awake, led me to this decision. i must say, deciding on a title for my blog posed to be challenging. i googled suggestions and facebooked people for their input but ultimately, i chose this one because my husband, adam, said it sounded the best. i am a cosmetologist and work at a salon in a little city called shepherdsville- "the boondocks", "hickville", "where rednecks are born". all of my friends who come to see me always complain about the drive (well those who are from louisville) but they'll keep coming to see me so i'm not worried =) i also have a deep, deep love for pickles, so with the two combined, my blog title was born!

here's a little about myself to kick off this blog- my name is felicia and i have been married to my high school sweetheart for a year, 1 month, and 12 days. we had a beautiful wedding and i am just now enjoying our wedding pictures, since it took almost 10 months for us to get our album or any prints. needless to say, wedding pics are one of the main decor in our home right now (i included a few to show off). we have been together for 8 years and just bought our first home this past january. we are still furnishing our house but it's been really fun to decorate and make everything ours. we have a 2 1/2 year old chihuahua, stanley, and a long haired dachshund, baxter, who adam refers to as "my dog", especially when he poops and pees in the house. he's learning though, but at 8 months old, he's still just a pup. we are pretty involved at our church and love helping out with the high school group. i love our little life that we've started and am looking forward to sharing little pieces of it with those who care to read this.