hairspray and pickles: 2011

Today Adam was off work which was strange since he never has a day off during the week, but I loved it. With this random day off, we tossed around a few ideas on how we could spend this lovely Tuesday. Courageous came out last weekend, and since we missed seeing it with our church, and heard nothing but fantastic reviews about it, we thought it'd be worth seeing. And since we had decided on the 1:05 p.m. matinee, we had to load up Callie and take her with us. She did great napping in her car seat while the movie played. Thank God we have a baby who knocks out when the lights dim. I think the people who saw us walk into the theater with our baby were relieved she slept as well.
After all of the ranting and raving about this movie, I kind of already drew my own conclusions as to what happened and what it would be about. I already figured out the big tragedy from the previews so was prepared to cry. And boy did I. I was just hoping the acting would be better than the previous Christian films made by the same people and it was. I was really surprised by the movie all around...how good it was, how convicting it was, and how it made me think about things I really didn't want to. I guess God is good at putting something in your path to knock you down when you think your riding along without a care in the world.
I have a wonderful, blessed life. I am married to my best friend and love of my life. I have friends and family that support me no matter what. We now have a 4 month old daughter who has brought out this entirely different kind of love and joy in our hearts. We are blessed to have great jobs that we love and to have a home. We love our church, and even more recently, our new Sunday School class. We are trying to get more involved here and there in ministry and outreach. From the look of it all, it would seem everything is lined up for us. And we are happy, very happy. Being comfortable and happy with our lives can lead to a contentment that can be poisonous if we're not careful. Poisonous in a way where there's no relationship at all with our Lord. He's been so good to us, so why do I find it so hard to be who I know I should be for my God? I pray continuously for discipline, motivation, blah, blah, blah. I still go to bed without reading, without praying, and without spending anytime with my Father.
As I prayed over Callie tonight, I was overwhelmed with how much love I have for her. Watching the movie today was a big reminder of how short life is and how precious the moments are that we spend with our children. Even if she is just a baby still, it's so important for us to make time with her a priority and it is. She is my everything and the outpouring of love that I have for my daughter is indescribable. I cry when she cries and her laugh makes any bad day bright. I could stare at those blue eyes all day and blow raspberries on her cheeks until I run out of breath. She's our angel sent to us from our Lord and when I approach Him in prayer praising Him for her, I can hardly contain my emotions. And tonight when I was praying, He opened my eyes to something. The unimaginable, unexplainable, out of this world love that I have for Callie, my Lord has for me. And I have been neglectful of His love for too long.
The movie was a great charge for fathers, but as a mother, I took the same charge to heart. I don't want to be just a good enough mom. I want to be a God fearing mom. I want to be the mom who makes it to all of her games or dances or whatever she wants to be involved in. I want to be right there cheering her on, encouraging her in every way. I don't want to be too lazy or tired to take her shopping, or to talk about boys, or to pray with her when she's hurt. I want her to know that she has a mommy and daddy that love her and that love the Lord. She is everything to us. Our Lord should take priority over her. How can that not revolutionize my day-to-days with Christ?
In conclusion, if you haven't seen Courageous, go see it. See it with your family. And as I was instructed to do, bring kleenexes because the napkins from the concession stand just aren't the same.

Wow...I almost forgot I had a blog! LOTS has changed since my last blog in December, when we didn't even know what our little baby was. Now we are the proud parents to our sweet baby girl, Callie Jane. She is 10 weeks old and growing so fast. She is perfect in every way and I know that I am totally biased, but she's the most beautiful thing. Much to our surprise, she came out with a head full of curly, red hair..one of my most favorite things about her =) She was a whopper at 8 lbs. 7 oz. and 21 inches long! Our doctor tells us to be on "roll patrol" when we clean her...I love her fat thighs and double chin!
Callie's arrival did not come without pain, endurance, and a somewhat traumatizing labor. When people ask me how the labor and delivery was, I almost want to sugarcoat it, especially for my friends who are expecting their own bundles of joy. And Callie is the biggest joy and I will do it again and she was totally worth it. However, the journey to get our little one here was one that I will never forget.
My due date was May 25th and I worked up until she was born. I actually was doing a haircut the Friday before she was born and had a few contractions but was able to push through them to finish up my client (and it still looked really good!). I started having contractions Thursday night, May 19th, while walking the mall with our friends Matt and Ashley (she was also pregnant at the time but has since given birth to her sweet girl, Annslee.) Being my first pregnancy, I had no idea what to expect with the contractions and with my zero pain tolerance, I was terrified of them. My first few contractions hurt, but were tolerable. Friday morning my mom and I walked around my neighborhood for an hour, with me having to stop every 15 minutes or so with contractions. I went to work, did a few appointments, and Adam and I met my mom and step dad at Cattleman's for dinner. The entire dinner, I was having contractions 10 minutes apart..they were much more intense than the night before and I remember banging my steak knife on the table a few times and the waitress being totally freaked out. We left and they kept coming, to where they were about 8 minutes apart. Adam called the doctor and they told us to come in. Something I will never forget about the whole process was when they would check me...HORRIBLE! It didn't help that this nurse was about half my size, blonde hair, and very attractive, with her, what felt like, entire arm inside of me. So all the while I'm screaming at her in pain, I'm also thinking I wish I had an ugly, fat nurse. Anywho, turned out I was only 1 cm and they sent us home. Being sent home is an awful feeling..we went from an elated feeling of our baby possibly being born to an overwhelming disappointment. They offered me a sleeping aid and I declined. Never decline. I don't know what I was thinking.
Anyway, I was up all night with contractions. Saturday contractions kept coming, starting out at 20 minutes apart, and eventually that evening they were down to 7-8 minutes apart. Same song and dance..we called the doctor, they told us to come in, loaded up the car, and Adam wheeled me into triage for the second night. Being checked still was the WORST thing ever and by this point I had adapted a few words that became my companions until she arrived. Shit and sorry. I would scream "Shit!" followed by "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I'm surprised I didn't adapt more words than that. Still had the cute, annoying nurse, who was not sensitive at all and acted annoyed that it hurt me so bad. I was only 1-2cm and they sent me home and I cried and cried and cried some more. By this evening, we hadn't slept in 2 nights. It was impossible to find a position to ease the pain of the contractions. People described them to me like intense menstrual cramps..I guess they were like that at that point. But definitely could not sleep. I sat up against the headboard because lying down was out of the question. I would sleep between contractions which were about 10 minutes apart by 10:00 Sunday morning. At 11 we headed to my mom's because she had a jetted tub and I thought it might help to have a hot bath. Sunday was the worst day of my life.
The contractions were unlike anything I had ever felt. No one can prepare a person for what I went through on Sunday. Still had the very intense cramping, but then back labor started. Up until this time, I had no idea what back labor was or that it even existed. It literally felt like I had a ring of squeezing, stabbing, burning from my lower belly, all through my lower back. I couldn't lay back or lean forward. I would drape myself on Adam, my mom, and Victoria (my younger sister) and scream. I screamed and cried for 9 hours. 9 hours of pure hell. The contractions were 6 minutes apart for 9 solid hours. I didn't want to go back until my water broke because I refused to be sent home again. But we had to go or I was certain I was going to die. So called the doctor, loaded up, and headed to the hospital. This time was the worst. I screamed all the way there. Adam wheeled me into triage, while I had my face buried in a wet washcloth. The nurses were nice, and heavy. And they took excellent care of me. I was 4 cm and FINALLY they admitted me. Praise God!
The doctor on call that night was Fiddle--something or another..I called her Dr. Fiddlestick. She came into the triage room to assure me they were keeping me, then asked, "You ready for that epidural?" I could have french kissed that woman on the spot. It was like there was a light shining around her..some kind of angel person. I think that was the first time I had smiled in 4 days. After the epidural, I was feeling just fine, despite my unbelievable exhaustion. She broke my water and got the ball rolling. In no time it seemed I was almost ready to push..and then a another small detail arose. Baby was "sunny side up", which led to an hour and a half of pushing. Seriously...I need a nap reliving all of this. Even though the first time I saw her is something I will never forget and she was beautiful, I think we can all agree that newborns being pushed through a small hole, have some appearances about them that c section babies miss. And since she was face up, she had bruising on her forehead and eyes. After that, everything seemed like I was in a dream. I wasn't the mom who screamed in joy when I saw her. I cried and kissed her and pretty sure after that I entered the twilight zone. I remember at one point Adam bringing her over and I couldn't hold her because my body simply would not allow me. I wasn't able to really hold her until a couple of hours later. I remember looking into her eyes and thinking nothing of the pain. Her little face was all I wanted to stare at. Her first tiny grasp on my finger melted me to pieces. I was out of my mind in love with her.
Callie is everything we've ever wanted and God overdid Himself by sending her to us. She's growing and learning everyday. She smiles all the time and I love to hear those sweet coos. She looks like her daddy with my nose. Her hair naturally falls into a faux hawk. She has rolls on her legs, arms, and face. She has the most beautiful blue eyes with curled up, light lashes. She is the epitome of perfection and she is showered with love with every passing day. As cliche as it is, we cannot image our lives without her and really don't know what we did before we had her. She's everything to us.

Here are some pics of our big girl: